You Can Bet On It

I'm bradley, and it's my job to keep you from being the sucker at the table. 

There's nothing funny about forest fire season. In many places in the country, it's been a dry summer - and that means, even well managed forests are going to burn.

In Oregon, the Spokane fire is making life dangerous for firefighters and uncomfortable for citizens. 

Why do I bring this up?

Because apparently there are some muttonheads running prediction markets that allow betting on wildfires. And Oregon senators are afraid this might lead to people thinking it's a good idea to commit arson, so they can bet on it.

WTF have we become,  people? Prediction and betting markets for fires? 

What's next? Oh wait - I know. You're ready to have sex. You're undressed, you're getting it on thick and heavy - BUT WAIT. Grab your phones, head to your favorite prediction app, and lay down a few simoleons on what the outcome will be. Is this going to be a pregnancy or not? Boy or girl if it does?  Maybe even save a little sample in a tube and bet on the sperm count.

Wait - here's an even better idea. Take a walk in a seedy part of town. Whip out your phone and head to your favorite prediction site. Will you get mugged before or after you get out of the neighborhood? Flesh wound or something to send you to the ER? You can even bet on which ER the EMT's will take you to.

Let me repeat what I said before. WTF..?

This isn't a scenario many people envisioned when they push so hard for legalized sports gambling. I was one of them. I thought - what harm could there be in letting us wager a buck or two on the ballgames? I forgot how many sick, perverted minds are out there, with nothing better to do.

There's always been betting on politics and presidential races. But this has gone wayyyyy off the tracks. To even imagine someone betting on natural (or in the case or arson) unnatural disasters is something out of a really sick mind. And while I will admit, when I was maybe 10 or 11, friends and I might have KIDDED about something like that. But to take it seriously and to offer it as an option for  some knucklepuck with money and time on their hands, that goes right from adolescent stupid humor to humorless jerk. 

Imagine this conversation if you will - you're sitting next to a guy at a bar, watching a game on the jumbo TV. You're talking about whatever, when you decide to order up one more for the road. The guy you're talking to says, "Hey let me get it. Two more bartender.' You thank him and say 'what's what all about, you win the lottery or something?' He says, 'No. I just hit it big yesterday betting on the latest forest fire erupting in Colorado.  The odds were crazy and I just had a hunch that they were about due. And what do you know? It came through.'

If you're anyone with any brain activity left, you smile cautiously, slowly inch off your stool, pretend that you need to go pee and high tail it out so fast, you leave burn marks behind.

Again let me clear. The four major sports? No issue. Who's going to win the latest political race? Have at it.  Betting on whether the latest Marvel Universe movie will be a hit or a dud? Hey, it's your money to burn. But betting on people's lives and misery? Sorry, this is my stop. You go ahead and ride that train if you want, but not me.

Not saying we have to regulate any more than we do. Saying, grow up and get a life. If you have even a tiny inkling to bet on other people's misfortune, then either sign up to be a mercenary or it's time you get taken to the woodshed for a lesson your dad never taught you. In the world of bradley, you just suck.

I'm bradley and it's my job to keep you from being the sucker at the table.